The Gender Reveal Birth Trauma Took Away
This is a hard time of year for me…
This time two years ago, I was in the hospital fighting to stay positive and praying to stay pregnant…
This post was from September 2022.
As a content creator who loves documenting the big moments in life, I had been dreaming up fun ways to tell the world that we were going to have a little girl…
And while gender reveals aren’t really my thing (#introvert) I do love making a moment special.
We had filmed this amazing reaction of our family and friends when we told them the news, and I had planned to make a fun “gender announcement” video that I could one day share with our little girl. (Footage that has since been lost due to my external hard drive breaking. 😭)
After two miscarriages, these moments mean so much when you finally get to have them… but like many things in my train wreck of a pregnancy, that moment I had envisioned got taken away.
“Birth trauma steals joy...
It just does.”
This photo, taken two years ago in a hospital room, was me trying to make the best of a bad situation. And I did make the best of it… but man… my heart hurts for the couple in this photo.
If I could go back in time, I would hug my past self and allow her to cry all the tears she had been holding back.
If I could go back in time, I would say to her,
“Oh girl... I am SO sorry this is happening… I know this isn’t what you wanted. I know this feels like just another thing that’s being taken away. I know you’re trying to make the best of things and stay positive… but man… this sucks. And I am so so sorry you’re having to go through this.”
It’s ok to grieve the joy that was stolen and the moments you didn’t get to have that you’d always dreamed of…
You can be grateful for your baby and still recognize all the awful things that you went through to get you there.
GRATITUDE AND GRIEF ARE ALLOWED TO COEXIST.
You’re allowed to be sad that things didn’t turn out the way you wanted.
You’re allowed to lament the way your baby entered the world, while simultaneously being filled with gratitude and joy that they exist today.
One does not counteract the other.
And you are no less of a mother for having *your* hard time of year every year around their birthday.
I hear it gets easier…
I sincerely hope it does.
In the waiting, please remember to be kind to yourself.
Journal Prompt:
If you could go back in time, what are the words that you would say to yourself? What are the words that you so desperately needed to hear?
It’s never too late to hear them.