My First Miscarriage…
There are moments in our lives…
Graduating High School.
Moving into your dorm room at college.
The day you discover Thai food.
The day you get engaged.
Landing your dream job.
Your Wedding Day.
The day you find out you’re pregnant.
The day you meet your baby.
Moments…
And in this day and age, those moments are often digitally marked in time forever to have their spot on the internet world of Social Media.
For better or for worse, we plan the fun photo. We plan when to post. And we reap in all those delightful little dopamine hits that come from our virtual family and friends sending their well wishes and congratulations…
This photo was our fun little way of announcing our first pregnancy…
This photo signified a moment.
But the next update was a lot harder to make…
On Sunday, July 7th, 2019, we lost our baby at 12 weeks and 3 days in an ER….
“You’re so strong.”
Like most women, I’m normally not the best at taking compliments... but I am choosing to receive this one.
Because I AM strong.
But you need to know that I’m not self-made…
I am God made.
My strength comes from the Lord.
And not in a cutesy, precious moments, churchy kind of way, but in a REAL, raw, tangible, weeping in an ER bathroom as you lose your baby, kind of way.
That kind of strength only comes from disciplined and practiced faith.
Because real faith isn’t cheap.
I believe God always has a plan, even when we can’t see it...
And I believe that with every ounce of who I am.
Not because it’s the Christian thing to say or do, but because I can look back on every single thing that has happened in my life, good and bad, and see that it was necessary to get where I was really meant to be…
a place I never could have imagined on my own.
But that doesn’t make this easy.
We genuinely practice “God has a plan” in our family.
And I can list out numerous times over the past 5 years where we chose to practice having faith in God’s greater plan over our own limited view and understanding.
We trusted that even though we couldn’t see it at the time, God had something else in mind for us… and it has always been something greater.
If I had miscarried a few years ago, it would have destroyed me.
But because I have practiced faith (and built it much like one would build a muscle) I know that even through this, God has a plan and everything will work out in the end.
That doesn’t take away the grief… and it doesn’t take away the pain.
It doesn’t diminish the loss.
But it does bring peace that surpasses all understanding.
And that is why I have the strength to face another day.
And then another.
And then another.
He’s the God of the hills and valleys... and I am not alone.
And neither are you.
You are never, ever alone.
Miscarriage announcement post copied from my Instagram